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I’ve been asked what the scholarly response would be to a blog post called “Responding to EVERY verse cited by infernalists and annihilationists,” which to my understanding has become fairly popular in certain universalist circles. Universalism is the theological view that all people without exception will eventually be saved through Christ at the eschaton. This contrasts with the view that some — or many — will ultimately be damned: condemned either to eternal torment or to annihilation. The debate here is naturally over the extent to which these ideas and frameworks are represented in the Biblical texts themselves.
On my initial read-through of the post, my first thought is that it’s quite difficult to take the whole thing very seriously from an academic perspective. It itself has no pretense of engaging with modern scholarship, being completely absent of any academic references. While this doesn’t always have to be a problem, it is when its lack of familiarity with scholarly methods and insights leads to any number of tangible misrepresentations and misunderstandings.
Although it’s pretty clear that the original post veers into non-scholarly theological territory, there are more than enough purely exegetical claims to critique it without delving into any theological or ethical material.
A number of times throughout the post, the Bible is treated as a single unified text, as if different books from entirely different milieus and perspectives are addressing the exact same topics in the same way. For example, a somewhat obscure passage about Sodom’s “restoration” in Ezekiel 16:53 is used to mitigate Jude 7’s statement about Sodom’s perpetual burning being a prefiguration of the fate of the wicked — despite the hundreds of years between the texts, and their entirely different contexts and worldviews. This is all the more egregious when all the author did to argue for their symbiotic interpretation in the first place was to just quote Ezekiel 16:53 and Jude next to each other, with no further analysis of each. By contrast, here are probably seven to eight paragraphs that try to parse the original context of Ezekiel 16:53 and related verses with reference to the current scholarly literature, and how it’s distinguished from the eschatological context of the New Testament.
Es where the post puts forth wild and anachronistic interpretations in order to harmonize material that’s potentially discordant with the author’s preferred perspective. For example, common language of the wicked being subject to eschatological destruction is explained almost exclusively by reference to the death of the "old self" in Romans 6:6:

There are numerous places where God promises to “destroy” all the wicked. Annihilationists/conditionalists (people who believe God completely annihilates the consciousness of the damned instead of torturing them forever) take these as evidence for their beliefs.
Paul explains what this means. The destruction is of the “Old Self”, the sinful shell around our God-breathed spirit: “if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin” (Rom 6:5-6; cf. also Eph 4:22, Col 3:9).

But is there any Pauline scholar who's understood this language and concept in Romans 6:6, which clearly refers to the spiritual status of practising Christian believers, as some arch-principle that applies to all humans and which can be correlated with New Testament passages that pertain to eschatological judgment? I consulted a number of commentaries on Romans here — those of Jewett, Hultgren, Fitzmyer, Dunn, Longenecker, Moo — and found absolutely nothing on this. In fact, up until now I’ve been unable to find a single scholarly source that makes the connection between eschatological destruction and Romans 6:6 and/or the destruction of the old self, no matter how broadly I’ve searched. This is because the rhetorical and conceptual contexts could hardly be more different.
Here's another example similar to the above:

Another thing worthy of observation is that when Paul uses the phrase “aionion destruction” (2 Thes 1:9), the Greek behind it is “ὄλεθρον αἰώνιον”. Where else does the word ὄλεθρον appear? 1 Corinthians 5:5: “you are to hand this man over to Satan for the destruction [ὄλεθρον] of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.” This is further proof that the destruction is not a vengeful annihilation, but a benevolent chastisement for the sinner’s own benefit.

How is the use of ὄλεθρος in 1 Corinthians "proof" of what the term means in 2 Thessalonians 1:9 means? 1 Corinthians 5 offers a unique, highly unusual situation in which a man who's clearly part of the Corinthian church is living in sexual sin, and who Paul curses to some sort of destruction (plausibly physical death, in my view; cf. David Smith’s monograph on the verse) because of this. Some commentators, e.g. Liselotte Mattern, explain that the reason this punishment can be said to "save" his spirit is that it's so grievous that it was intended to once-and-for-all curb any further fall into sin for the man, thereby ensuring the man kept the salvation that he had merited up until that point. Whatever the case, it's clearly addressing a spiritual "insider" in the church; and Paul will in fact explicitly raise the insideoutsider distinction shortly after this.
By contrast, in 2 Thessalonians 1, destruction and salvation aren't two potential modes for the same individual, but something that's sharply differentiated between believers and nonbelievers, the obedient and disobedient, respectively. Here's how NRSVue translates the relevant passages from 2 Thessalonians 1:

7... when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels 8 in a fiery flame, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. 9 These will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, separated from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might, 10 when he comes to be glorified by his saints and to be marveled at on that day among all who have believed, because our testimony to you was believed.

This closely parallels the language and imagery of eschatological judgment and punishment in other Second Temple Jewish texts (cf. The Jewish Annotated New Testament, 428), and like them doesn’t even begin to hint at the possibility of any positive function or restoration beyond these.
The author continues:

If you need even more evidence, look at the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15:1-7. When Jesus refers to the “lost” sheep, the Greek word he uses is ἀπολέσας. This word can also mean “destroyed”, and it is used that way in Matthew 10:28: “fear him who can destroy [ἀπολέσαι] both soul and body”. But look at Matthew 16:25: “those who lose [ἀπολέσῃ] their life for my sake will find it.” The destruction being referred to is of the ‘Old Self’ so that the ‘New Self’ can sprout in its place.

One would think that if 1 Corinthians 5 so clearly differentiates the flesh of the man which is to be destroyed so his spirit can be saved, the fact that Matthew 10:28 plainly entails the destruction of both physical and metaphysical “self” is evidence that the specific soteriological tradition in 1 Corinthians 5 shouldn’t be generalized. For that matter, the contexts in which various ἀπόλλυμι-based terminology is used to refer to destruction versus something being lost are usually quite clear. The saying in Matthew 16:25 may refer to a self-surrender of livelihood or life, but in an idiomatic ascetic context that hardly corresponds to the same metaphysical destruction of self as in Romans 6:6. (Though the broader context of Matthew 16:25 and parallels also uses cross imagery similar to that in Romans.)
Elsewhere throughout the post, there are walls of texts that are just prooftext after prooftext, but with no attempt at any further analysis, and of course no mention of any texts that might contradict the sentiment being defended:

God does not submit us into trials out of vengeance or cruelty, but for our own good: “How happy is the one whom God reproves; therefore do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he binds up; he strikes, but his hands heal” (Job 5:17-18); “let us return to the Lᴏʀᴅ; for it is he who has torn, and he will heal us; he has struck down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him” (Hos 6:1-2); “the Lord scourges those who are close to him in order to admonish them” (Jdt 8:27), “the Lord will not reject forever. Although he causes grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone” (Lam 3:31-33); “The Lᴏʀᴅ will strike Egypt, striking and healing; they will return to the Lᴏʀᴅ, and he will listen to their supplications and heal them” (Is 19:22); etc.

This is where the failure to synthesize the Biblical texts from a more thorough and critical perspective is most transparent. In plenty of other passages, the wicked are subject to unmitigated death and destruction; and the exact same terminology used in the quoted passage from Lamentations to say that God will not reject לעולם — forever — is elsewhere used to describe the forever-destruction of Israel’s enemies and the unrighteous. For that matter, if we were to take other early perspectives of the Hebrew Bible as programmatic, we could just easily use these to portray death as something that was thought to be an irreversible fate: "as a cloud is dispersed and then disappears, so the one who goes down to the grave does not come up again" (Job 7:9).
Here are some other quotes from the post:

Although Christian cultures have grown accustomed to viewing Scriptural references to “fire” as indicating punitive judgment or vengeance, the truth is that the coupling of “fire and brimstone” analogically refers to the metallurgical process of removing impurities from metal. . . . The goal of removing impurities is, of course, to make the metal more valuable, not to trash it.

I’m not sure exactly what they mean by “analogically refers to the metallurgical process.” However, I think Biblically literate readers will pretty much immediately recognize the most well-known narrative where “fire and sulfur” comes from: the destruction of Sodom. David Aune notes, for example, that "[t]he motif of judgment of a city or a land by fire and brimstone is a fixed notion in the Old Testament and early Judaism for which the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah by fire and brimstone narrated in Genesis 19:24 is prototypical (Deuteronomy 29:23; Psalm 11:6; Ezekiel 38:22; Isaiah 30:33; 34:9; Sib. Or. 3.53-61, 689-92; Luke 17:29; 1 Clem. 11:1)" (Revelation 6-16, 541). Here fire and sulfur are simply agents of destruction; and nothing in the concept entails any subsequent restoration, without e.g. the quasi-fundamentalist harmonization of Jude 7 and Ezekiel.

The fact that “the worm never dies, and the fire is never quenched” (Mk 9:42-48) for those cast into Gehenna sounds scary, but it is important to understand that neither of these mean that the people in Gehenna will be there forever as well. How do I know? Because the very next verse in Mark 9, v. 49, says: “For everyone will be salted with fire.” If the worm and fire Jesus was referring to meant eternal punishment, that would mean everyone is damned and unsalvable.

Mark 9:49 has been the subject of quite a bit of scholarly discussion. Adela Y. Collins thinks it means that "each follower of Jesus will be tested by fire" (454; and similarly France, 384). However, opinions are now coalescing around the idea that this draws on and refers to “the similar expectation in several apocalyptic texts and their Zoroastrian antecedents that both the wicked and the repentant would face the selfsame baptism in the eschatological river of fire,” as Daniel Frayer-Griggs puts it — wherein "the eschatological fire will punish the wicked but refine the righteous," as Joel Marcus words it. This universal judgment by fire leading to separate fates is poignantly imagined in the 13th chapter of the early Christianized Testament of Abraham.

Matthew 12:31-32, Mark 3:28-29: blasphemy against the Holy Spirit
Although these passages are often interpreted to mean that this sin will never be forgiven into eternity, what Jesus actually says is “whoever speaks against the holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age [αἰῶνι] or in the age to come”, i.e. the punishment lasts for two aions. He delimits the punishment into a quantified amount of time.

This language of what Jesus “actually says” is extremely misleading. The quote that follows this is specifically the version that appears in Matthew. While I’ll get back to that in a second, the version in Mark says “whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never have forgiveness but is guilty of an eternal sin” (NRSVue). This is a perfectly adequate rendering of the Greek: including the clause εἰς τὸν αἰῶνα, which is an idiomatic Semitism that means “forever” or “into perpetuity,” and when negated such as is it here means “not ever,” viz. never. The version of the saying in Matthew employs the same noun αἰών as Mark does, but now in a quite different sense and formulation. While αἰών denoted perpetuity in the version in Mark, in Matthew’s idiomatic phrase it’s used to denote “age,” in a formulation that divided cosmic time into the present (“this”) age in which the author lived versus the eschatological age to come — the only two eras that were imagined in early Jewish and Christian literature.
The exact literary relationship between the two passages isn’t certain. However, what is clear is that semantically speaking, Matthew’s formulation functions identically to Mark’s. “Not in this age, nor in the age to come” is simply a more elaborate, “rabbinic style” (Davies and Allison, 347) idiomatic formulation for “never” like Mark’s οὐ … εἰς τὸν αἰῶνα; and the exact formulation as a total negation occurs a number of times in later Jewish literature, too, as לא בעולם הזה ולא בעולם הבא: in b. Berakhot 64a; Hekhalot Zutarti §336; and in the abbreviated form לא בעה"ז ולא בעה"ב, e.g. in Pirke de-Rabbi Eliezer. Particularly instructive is b. Menachot 53b: ישראל אין להם בטילה עולמית לא בעוה"ז ולא בעולם הבא, "Israel(ites) will never undergo extinction — neither in this age, nor the age to come." Here the idiom is brought into direct conjunction with “never” and serves to poetically explain it.
The post also offers this bit of interpretation of the story of the rich man and Lazarus:

If it is perpetually true that “no one can cross from” Hades to Heaven, then this passage is contradictory to other parts of the New Testament. Peter says that Christ brought the Gospel to those who were dead in Hades: “He [Christ] was put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit, in which also he went and made a proclamation to the spirits in prison, who in former times did not obey, when God waited patiently in the days of Noah, during the building of the ark, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were saved through water” (1 Pt 3:18-20). And later, in 1 Peter 4:6: “For this is the reason the gospel was proclaimed even to the dead, so that, though they had been judged in the flesh as everyone is judged, they might live in the spirit as God does.” Why is the Gospel being preached to the dead if their ultimate fate is already permanently locked-in?

There are several problematic things here. In the wake of the recognition of the fundamentally Enochic imagery and phraseology of 1 Peter 3:19, the idea that this is a positive proclamation of the gospel to the otherworldly imprisoned has been all but abandoned in modern scholarship. Instead, this “proclamation” is understood analogously to Enoch's own proclamation to the fallen watchers in 1 Enoch: one of their impending destruction (cf. 1 Enoch 12:3-6). This is explored at length in studies like Chad T. Pierce's Spirits and the Proclamation of Christ: 1 Peter 3:18-22 in Light of Sin and Punishment Traditions in Early Jewish and Christian Literature and Dalton’s Christ's Proclamation to the Spirits: A Study of 1 Peter 3:18-4:6.
As for a further connection with 1 Peter 4:6, Karen Jobes notes that "[m]ost contemporary interpreters no longer claim an association between 4:6 and 3:19 (Achtemeier 1996: 291; Bandstra 2003: 123; Dalton 1965: 42–51; Dalton 1979; Davids 1990: 154; J. H. Elliott 2000:730–31; Hillyer 1992: 122; Kistemaker 1987: 163–64; Michaels 1988: 237–38)" (272). Despite 1 Peter 4:6’s superficial appearance of an underworld proclamation, νεκροῖς εὐηγγελίσθη is by far more plausibly understood as a reference to the original proclamation of the gospel to Christians who had subsequently died before the author’s present time, as exhaustively demonstrated in J. H. Elliott’s commentary (730-740), paralleled by a theodical passage in 1 Enoch, and adopted by other commentators (Achtemeier, 290-91).
Moving on, the post discusses

Hebrews 6:1-12: “impossible to restore again to repentance”
This passage is carefully worded, and it is important to understand precisely what is being said. The Greek word for “they are crucifying again” is “ἀνασταυροῦντας”, which is in the present active sense, meaning this whole passage is talking about people who are currently, actively defecting from God’s light.

This description misconstrues a scholarly minority position as one that’s obvious and uncontested. While this is indeed a known scholarly proposal (J. K. Elliott, “Is Post-Baptismal Sin Forgivable?”) and is even represented in some marginal translations, the vast majority of commentators on Hebrews explicitly reject it. The present participle ἀνασταυροῦντας is not the only Greek verb in the passage, nor even the focal point; thus it's incorrect to use this to say that "this whole passage is talking about people who are currently, actively defecting from God’s light." ἀνασταυροῦντας instead descriptively elaborates on the prior verb παραπεσόντας, which is an aorist describing those who have "fallen away." Lane argues the aorist here conveys a "decisive moment of commitment to apostasy" (though David deSilva cautions against over-interpreting this) and that the subsequent participles expand on this as the "consequences of the decision to spurn the gifts of God" (142). That is, figuratively crucifying Christ (again) is a further description of their already-decisive apostasy, and not an ongoing act.
To be sure, Ellingworth correctly notes that "the logical links between the main clause and the following participles ... are not specified" (323). But virtually all commentators raise several serious objections to the idea that ἀνασταυροῦντας and the other participle only suggest that it’s impossible to restore these persons while they (currently) "crucify" Jesus. F. F. Bruce, Gareth Cockerill, Koester, and Ellingworth all reject this reading as reducing what’s said to an inane truism. Cockerill further states that “[t]he entire context has the urgency of finality" (276 n. 41), and Attridge that this interpretation is "difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile with the other warning passages, 10:26-31 and esp. 12:17" (172 n. 68). DeSilva's commentary is especially insightful in contextualizing the severe perspective of Hebrews as a religious reflex of the ancient understanding of the patron-client relationship — specifically, the gift of salvation and the affront to the patron's honor represented by any spurned reciprocity: “After defecting from the relationship, the ungrateful clients could not expect to be able to begin that journey to God's promised inheritances again” (228). He illustrates the divine revoking of the gift by analogizing this to the actions of other spurned actors from the Greco-Roman world, e.g. one who "refuses to have dealings twice with a dishonest merchant, or to entrust a second deposit to someone who has lost the first one" (226).

In v. 7-8, the author of Hebrews makes this comparison: “Ground that drinks up the rain falling on it repeatedly, and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. But if it produces thorns and thistles, it is worthless and on the verge of being cursed; its end is to be burned over.” Remember that, as explained above, the purpose of fire in Scripture is not to torment, but to purify.

Again, however, this claim is only possible through a selective representation of the scriptural function and purpose of fire.

Revelation 14:10-11, 19:2-3, 19:20, and 20:10: the Beast and his followers
These verses mention an “eternal” punishment, but the wording here is different: it lasts εἰς αἰῶνας αἰώνων or αἰῶνας τῶν αἰώνων, roughly “to the ages of ages”. The fact that this distinction exists is proof that αἰώνων by itself must be a lesser descriptor of time and thus finite

The distinction to which they refer must mean the repeated or doubled of αἰών/αἰῶνες. However, this is no evidence of it being a “lesser” or finite descriptor than the presence of “and ever” in the English phrase “forever and ever” implies that “forever” must be limited. We have any number of perfectly parallel examples of doubled Hebrew intensifiers that corroborate this, too: see Isaiah 34:10, לנצח נצחים; Exodus 3:15, לדר דר; Psalm 72:5, דור דורים; Proverbs 12:19, לעד ועד. Hypothetically, phrases like these could be hyperbolic. But this itself plays against overly literal interpretations that try to parse these idiomatic phrases as references to finite or more specific “ages.” Overall, the most well-supported conclusion is that these phrases idiomatically denote "forever" or otherwise convey finality. They’re also used frequently in reference to phenomena or entities that were genuinely and uncontestedly expected to be everlasting, like God himself.

So it is perfectly reasonable to conclude that those in Gehenna/the lake of fire will have their names added to the book of life once their cleansing is complete. How can we be sure? Because this punishment is referred to as the “second death” (Rv 20:6, 20:14, 21:8), but we know it was prophesied that God “will swallow up death forever” (Is 25:8), which, according to Paul, will be accomplished at the final resurrection: “When this perishable body puts on imperishability, and this mortal body puts on immortality, then the saying that is written will be fulfilled: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory'” (1 Cor 15:54). If some are in the “second death” for eternity, then these prophesies will never be accomplished.

This is an intolerable understanding of the final chapters of Revelation, even on a surface-level reading. The tradition of the final defeat of death as seen from Isaiah 25:8 and 1 Corinthians 15:54 is indeed also represented in these chapters of Revelation, to be sure. But the idea that the “second death” must eventually be destroyed as part of this destruction of death is precisely reversed from what we find there. Rather, the second death is actually the agent of death’s destruction, insofar as death is destroyed by being thrown into the lake of fire — itself explicitly identified as the second death (20:14). Above all, the defeat of death represents the dawn of immortality for the righteous who are to inherit the new earth; and besides this the second death represents the annihilation of the wicked. Perhaps it could be implicitly surmised that the lake of fire and second death will be unnecessary in the ultimate eschaton. But, again, this is only because they’ve already served their purpose in annihilating death and the wicked. (I mention this only to illustrate the diversity of Jewish tradition here, but in the Talmud — specifically b. Rosh Hashanah 17a — there’s the enigmatic line that for the most egregious of sinners, גיהנם כלה והן אינן כלין: Gehenna could/will come to an end, and yet they still won’t: they’ll continue in torment even after Gehenna’s end.)

Only the elect will be saved in the first resurrection, for the universal reconciliation of all souls will happen later, after the un-elect have spent a time of purification in Gehenna. This is why the elect are referred to as the “first fruits” in several places like Romans 8:23, James 1:18, and Revelation 14:4; being the “first” fruit implies that there’s an entire harvest that comes after.

This is a clear abuse of the intended sense of first-fruits in these passages. In some of these passages resurrection isn’t the topic, and in others first-fruits aren’t even persons at all!
Finally: this has been covered in other recent posts, and briefly above, too, but there's linguistic analysis that doesn't go much beyond what an amateur might glean from things like Strong's Concordance. Its whole section on the denotation of αἰώνιος, “perpetual, permanent,” makes no attempt to parse or even mention the traditions that influenced the New Testament’s employment of this term in eschatological contexts, e.g. used to describe the immortality of the righteous and the perdition of the wicked. Instead, what it does is find rather arbitrary Biblical texts which use this or related terminology, and juxtaposes these with other Biblical texts — usually from another book entirely — which seems to imply the non-permanence of the same phenomenon or entity. The juxtaposition of Sodom’s perpetual burning in Jude with Sodom’s apparent restoration in Ezekiel was an example of this. But even more generally speaking, use of αἰώνιος terminology in other contexts (often mundane or arbitrary) is obviously of significantly less relevance for how we should understood its use in eschatological texts. This is demonstrated simply by noting that these two uses often represent a shift from the mundane to the manifestly supernatural; and that in the ancient mind, the latter obviously wouldn’t have the same “rules” as the former, temporal or otherwise. All this and more is elaborated on at much greater length in this post, which exhaustively covers misconceptions about αἰώνιος and related terminology.
This covers a lot of the pro-“infernalist” or annihilationist passages that the author sought to address, in keeping with the title. The rest of the post addresses the opposite: “the numerous places where the universal salvation is promised and proclaimed.” This would need an entirely separate response.

Hey everyone, I just kind of felt the need today to talk about my story and ask for advice today. I'm sorry if I made a mistake with the formatting or anything, I haven't used Reddit or social media in years prior to signing up with this throwaway for an unrelated reason; but this is the only place I remember that I can talk about transition doubt and detransitioning without being told to shut up or that I depress people around me with my negativity.
TW mentioned self harm and perhaps internalized transphobic thoughts, I suppose. Sorry for the post length, I hope someone does take the time to read through this, I could really use some advice.

General

I am AMAB, and I transitioned around when I was 17 years old. I don't remember the specifics that led to me thinking I was trans, it is now about five years ago, but I do remember that a friend of mine outed herself as a trans girl while we were still in school, and I can only cynically assume today that this is related and I simply was jealous of the attention she got, that I found her attractive, and that I felt like being trans nets you tons of friends and entry into a forbidden subculture. Either that, or she just made me realize my own transness faster. Who knows.
During the same time, I openly identified as gay or pan and was attracted to the typical "twink" or "femboy" stereotype, which makes me afraid I had been a fetishizer from the very beginning. I am unsure though about all this since my memory is somewhat inhibited.
Either way, I kept on transitioning from 2018 until around 2020 or 2021, where I basically detransitioned socially and entered a long dark age of repression, self hatred and bitterness. Only recently, I have somewhat gotten out of my shell a little more and have taken on a non-binary identity as a "compromise".
My issue is now just: how to proceed? I thought detransitioning would make me feel happier, but I just feel a bit less miserable now than I did before. For that reason, I'd like advice, and therefore describe my journey in this thread as briefly as I can.

Growing up

Throughout my childhood, I have never really "shown signs": I have never doubted my gender, felt wrong about my body or anything like that. The only things I could stretch to include in here were that I wore my hair long, was interested in "girly" fashion coloring books, thought the other boys were "too wild" and preferred hanging around and being friends with girls. But honestly, what kind of regressive, conservative view of gender would I have if this little bit of non-conformity must have meant I wasn't male?
On the other hand, I also wasn't brought up in a household where gender played any role: my parents are largely gender nonconforming and queerness was never a problem at home. Perhaps I would have shown more signs if I was brought up in a stricter household?
Either way, I was always two years younger than everyone else around me due to an unconventional entry into the school system (basically I skipped two years). That made me unable to form connections with other people, I became dependent on adults for my social needs, and always was insufferably arrogant, tried to be as "mature" as possible, and denied myself a childhood because I was easily embarrassed by anything childlike or playful. I fed on attention, on feeling smarter than other people, and other such narcissistic traits. Perhaps this is important, I do not know. The point is, I was definitely prone to "personality crafting" or lying for attention, which took years to get off of.

Issues during transition

At first, transitioning was very good for my life. I started growing out of all kinds of "teenage guy" habits like compulsive lying or thinking bigoted jokes and memes were funny. I became politically progressive, and through political activism I found plenty of friends many of who I still hold dear today. I learned public speaking and confidence in myself, I found plenty of love, moved around in the world and became self sufficient... and so on and so on. At the same time though, I was obnoxious too; I constantly talked myself into various mental disorders for attention (but I was completely convinced of them until I noticed), was very proud and out on social media about all of these things, and being trans was my entire "thing". I wore a collar in public, was openly kinky and submissive, wore rainbow things everywhere, wore clothes that didn't fit me, and generally turned into the full "online trans girl" stereotype. I had no sense of style and did not pass, yet was very vocal about people misgendering me in a pretty aggressive way.
Eventually though, I noticed that I was really obnoxious and was firstly just faking this personality, and secondly was never as cute as I thought I was, I was just some dude pretending to be cute appropriating femininity for that purpose.
My transition regrets can be quite easily summarized with what I used to call "personality dysphoria". I just feel like I do not have the personality to be a woman in any way, and I felt embarrassed in either role. Every single day, I felt like I was playing a role everyone else could see through, like in the fairy tale about the Emperor's New Clothes, until I just couldn't stand it anymore. Even the supportive people in my life seemed to have a third mental category for trans people: "cis male", "cis female" and "remember, they want to be a different gender". I felt like nobody actually saw my gender identity, they just pretended to because it was their ideology to do so. "To identify as" and "to be" felt like two very different things in how you're being treated by others.
When regular women could just get up out of bed with a hangover and a headache and still look, act and talk unmistakably like a woman, I would have needed to prepare myself for an hour just to get into a passable state. My voice sounded fake and didn't pass at all, even though I had completed professional in-person voice therapy. Little things like yawning, coughing, choice of jokes, laughter, movement, posture, word choice, language, conversation behavior, and much more, completely gave away that I was socialized as a random fat teenage guy. Nobody saw me as a woman, they saw me as "woman identifying so let us be nice".
And I grew jealous of and made comparisons to many other trans people, specifically: most other trans girls and trans women I knew were just naturally women just by being themselves. Their behavior and personality were entirely authentic: every involuntary or subconscious movement, like the aforementioned yawning, getting surprised, laughing, the kinds of jokes they would make - were not in any way different from the cis women I knew. The more they transitioned, the more they allowed themselves to be their authentic selves. They discovered that they liked wearing feminine-coded clothes, they finally knew why they never fit in their social groups, they finally could be themselves without it being weird for the first time. It is really heartwarming to see them grow up into the person they always were... but I could just stand at the sidelines and cheer them on when they talked about how liberating it supposedly was.
I was the opposite. My natural personality was that of a overweight male teenager. Just a regular guy. "Loud noises equals funny" kind of humor, memes, overwhelming confidence, soundboards, dad jokes, obnoxious laughter, browsing Reddit, gaming, male-coded interests ... teenage guy things. I had to actively suppress all of that in order to pass, and it became an overwhelming stress to me.
I hated who I was, I loathed myself, so I chose something that I rather would like to be: one of the cool cute naturally authentic trans girls I knew. Identity shopping they call it, I think. But instead of being happier and more authentic the further I transitioned like other people, I felt more stressed because it meant more work trying to fake a personality.
Of course I would have "pressed the button" if someone offered me the "test", but that's just not how transition works. "You either already are a woman and can transition to get there fully, or you're not, and transitioning is just a way to deny yourself and play a ridiculous role"; is what I wrote to my girlfriend at the time. I think communities like egg_irl do a big disservice to questioning people by interpreting every little sign of gender nonconformity or even being submissive as a sign of transitioning. It's actually very sexist.
As a summary: the more other people transitioned, the more they realized their authentic selves that they always were. I transitioned to get away from my authentic self into a fake personality, and I grew more and more stressed and resentful.

Detransition

The more I started noticing these things on myself, the more I also started noticing them on some other trans people online.
It felt to me like being trans was less of a descriptor for someone who transitions anymore, but that "trans" had become an entire unrelated subculture that I did not want to relate to, partly out of fear of being laughed at, and partly because it had nothing to do with being a woman. Most vocal trans girls and trans women I knew were "goth" or "punk" in ways only very few cis women were, were obsessed with that stupid IKEA shark and child-like accessories and clothing, constantly made oversexualized jokes about themselves that just made me uncomfortable (because it felt to me like fetishizing femininity and child aesthetics more than being comfortable with themselves), and just oozed male socialization. Constant generalizations were made about transfem people (that we all are into anime, that we all are shy and like "headpats" and the :3 smiley, that we all say UwU and are terminally gaming and stuff) that were the visible online front of what trans meant. Things that were not reminiscent at all of actual real life women but much more of a male neckbeard's idea of an anime girl or waifu. It made me VERY uncomfortable.
I disliked being thrown into a pot with "those people", and I developed a lot of bitterness and resentment for the subculture; something that I have largely overcome by now, thankfully. I just wanted to be a normal woman like any other, not someone who is specifically a trans woman or one who acts nothing like 99% of other women in the world!
But my inherent personality made that impossible, because I just have a male-coded personality, and if I am honest with myself, I do fit in some of the stereotypes.
The more I started getting bitter, the more I ended up stopping correcting people on name or pronouns, I ended up throwing out or even burning all of my fem clothes, and took on a gender neutral, masc-read name to avoid the constant stares and questions. I just... entered limbo, occasionally forgot taking my HRT, didn't take it for weeks, left all of my friends.
And like that, I just wallowed in self hatred for years. I became more and more edgy with my opinions, I started mildly working out to get aggression out of my system, I left all of my friends behind and moved away, I removed all references to sexuality and identity from my profiles, deleted all of my socials, and got strong feelings of nausea and jealous anger whenever I saw a happy queer person in public.
The biggest problem was me repressing everything that was actually a part of me but that I was afraid of expressing due to the fear of still embarrassing myself. Because, like, I still am some of these "embarrassing" things like a furry, I love emo clothes and culture, I do like using ":3" and "UwU" occasionally, and I still was submissive and all. But I started considering all of these things symptoms of being terminally online and "cringe" and began hurting myself whenever I had these thoughts because I had visceral terrifying fear of being like a 4chan user or an incel. I do get the irony of being afraid of looking terminally online and at the same time relating these concepts to social media sites.
Years later, now, I finally somewhat feel like I recovered, a bit. I am now non-binary and largely dress and treat myself gender neutral, and I gained some of my natural healthy personality back from the repression. I do not make a big deal out of my gender and try to make my personality shine through my authentic hobbies, interests and skills instead. I do not mind any pronouns officially, but I'd lie if masc gendered pronouns don't make me feel awful all of the time. I stopped interacting with the internet almost completely, started reading books, finding friends and partners in real life, and stopped interacting on Reddit and social media (up until a week ago or so). In other words, I touched grass and stopped giving a crap what online trans discourse was like. I stopped surrounding myself with only trans people and instead efforted to have a wide variety of relations and relationships.
So I thought I was happy like this, and in isolation that probably would have been the case too. But I feel like the life I am living right now, detransitioned and all, isn't exactly what I want to be.
I cannot lead any sexual relationships anymore because doing anything with this AMAB body of mine feels like assault on the senses on my partner. I even identified as ace or gray-ace sporadically to explain myself why this was the case, but it doesn't feel right - I can still be kinky with my girlfriend, just as long as I do not involve my own body or act submissive; I turned into a confident and dominant person just to avoid being mistaken for a trans girl stereotype. But whenever I get gendered masculine by anyone, I get strong anxiety that I cannot just swallow down or ignore (not for a lack of trying). I stopped going to lunch with my coworkers because someone once involved me as part of "the guys", and I got really nauseous and had to excuse myself. Whenever my girlfriend or anyone else in my life mentions anything that has to do with trans people, including just seeing a TikTok or something on her phone of a confident trans woman, my internal reactions vary from anger and frustration, crying, to self harm. I just really, really wish I could have been that person, but my personality and looks just wouldn't fit, and I don't like them anyway, I have convinced myself.

What now?

I have remained on HRT simply for the positive effects: why would I go back to testosterone if it just makes me bald faster, remove some of my emotional range, gives me unclean skin and more beard growth? I have to mention here that HRT barely did anything to me, I still look largely the same and my body and face are DEFINITELY not the level of 5-years-HRT that you'd expect. The chest growth does make me uncomfortable most of the time, but it's manageable; and I have kind of decided to just "keep my options open". Fortunately, my endocrinologist has never made me visit anymore after the very first appointment, which is surely not up to protocol but does help me now. He would probably be shocked to see that I still look like a dude now five years later. I am sure that I want to stay on HRT, I can just get a binder if the chest gets too much.
The thing is, I don't know where to go from here. Whenever I see an out and happy transfem person, I get strong feelings of regret and jealousy, whenever I am gendered male, I hate myself. But whenever I see popular trans discourse or imagine going through the same personality denial again I dread going there.
Which direction to go?!

1. I cannot go back to a male identity now, even though for all practical purposes, that's what I am viewed as, which kills me. It still makes me inexplicably unhappy to be gendered male and I couldn't live like that to myself. Being nonbinary gives at least me a safety net, even if nobody else feels that way.
2. Likewise, I cannot go back to a female identity, for I do not want to repeat my first transition's issues and deny myself again in favor of some impossible pipe dream. Plus, I am already on constant HRT and have been for FIVE YEARS without clear results: and I do not pass right now, people don't even suspect me being anything but male, so what gives? Even if I wanted to transition now, I feel like passing for me would be impossible, and passing and just living as a normal-ass person is the goal of transitioning for me.
3. Being non-binary feels largely correct to me, but I hate that people still just read me as male no matter what I do. I have been on active HRT for five years, I do not dress particularly masc (but neither do I look like a crossdresser). I just want to be viewed as androgynous or even take on femme pronouns again (they/them is not a thing in my native language), but neither people nor my own conscience give me that option. I get strong jealousy and bitterness whenever I see transfem content, as if they were responsible for my own failure, so I am clearly not happy with who I am.

I always just feel like I really, really want to be one of the passing, cool trans women with the confident and authentic personalities, but I just feel like some fat failed male socialized neckbeard on the sidelines looking on as other people can be themselves and be happy about it. Like the comic relief quip character of my own life. I feel like I really look like the trans people in transphobic cartoons you see in TERF communities, and nothing like the actually cool and nice people who can just be themselves. I just either want to pass, or nothing at all. I don't want to look like a crossdresser.
What do I do? Am I correct in just trying to scoot by, trying to become more androgynous while staying non-binary? Is this just denial and internalized transphobia? Or should I completely detransition? Should I try another transition? Was my first transition really ruined because I am not trans, or because I forced myself into a stereotype I did not like?
Maybe someone went through the same thing and can give advice. Thanks for reading, really.

I stared out into the gray of another bleak winter morning and found myself lacking once again. Slamming the door closed, I reluctantly resigned one more day to the coward's ash pile of which I was a regular contributor. All those fleeting moments, minutes, hours… years… All wasted under the perpetual fear of an unknown evil, all the while knowing that the weight of responsibility fell squarely on my head alone.
The very last one…
I hadn't left my house in weeks. Months, possibly. The passage of time had slowed to an agonizing crawl, giving the impression of far longer. The isolation had near driven me mad, my hands giving into shakes whenever I'd hear noise from outside. The only comfort I found was within my own reflection, the remaining evidence I had that I was still a human being.
"There's nothing left for me out there..." I affirmed in the mirror, my daily mantra, as if trying to convince someone other than myself.
"Nothing at all."
I peeked through the blinds and watched a former neighbor shuffle down the street in a monstrous, shambling gait. The mangled stump of its foot dragged listlessly behind as it sluggishly made its way round the bend into the next street and out of sight. They were everywhere, waiting and ready in the shadows where I couldn't see. Shrieking. Every night was the same. Their bizarre mating calls blared out into the otherwise dead twilight, rending me from any peaceful sleep I might have possibly enjoyed. It was blood-curdling, like they were being flayed alive… and yet still with something joyous and terrible simmering underneath. Their crying wails are one of ecstatic, starved hunger.
They called me mad when I began fortifying my home, all the locks and shutters. Well, who's mad now? The shriekers, that's who. Utterly insane, driven only by their base instincts and a desire to destroy and assimilate. They wish to take me as well. I was so afraid, but I knew what needed to be done from the very start. I had to go back outside.
I had to burn them in their nest.
Summoning up all the spine I could muster, I silently slipped out through the front door and over to the one across the street on that freezing dark night. I could hear them moving around inside, yelping and shrieking as always. A thick sliver of disgust overpowered the terror as my jittering hands fumbled with the lid on the petrol canister. I regained my composure as I focused on my mission, allowing the revulsion to drive me. It spun off, clanking against the cold metal body of its host noisily, I swallowed a lump in my throat, reassuring myself that I was still as of yet unseen.
I attached the plastic hose and the pungent liquid flowed freely through the thin metal letterbox. I made sure to be quick about it, one slip up and it'd all be over. They'd be on me like a pack of wild dogs to a feast. The canister ran dry… anand so I pulled out the lighter. I flicked its ignition repeatedly before finally striking flame, and after one last frantic look around, in it went.
The house immediately erupted in flames and I retreated back to safety, desperate to get inside before the swarm arrived to salvage its sickening brood. I observed half in glee and half in a growing dread as the nest was engulfed. Then just as expected, they arrived. Their awful wailing tearing through the night. I shuddered as I closed the blinds, hoping this would at the very least thin out their numbers, if not force them to move on from the area entirely. How I longed for the day when I could venture out without fear of an attack… to rebuild, and to restock my ever dwindling supplies. The start of a whole new world, a better world… like the old one. My eyes began to close as I fell into a deep sleep, the shrieking outside now just a familiar white noise of sorts, lulling me.
I awoke to a loud banging on the front door. They'd found me. I loaded the cartridges into my revolver, rounds spilling to the floor from their box as I panicked. More banging, I couldn't ignore it this time. They were never going to move on. Not until they had me. I knew it in that moment, I wasn't going down without a fight.
Through the shuddering sight I stared down the barrel of the revolver as I descended the stairs, growing closer and closer. The rattling pounded its way throughout the house, each knock making me flinch and throwing off my aim. I fired three shots through the door. The knocking stopped, but they weren't done.
A while later, they returned. I could hear an immense growling emanating from the street outside and I took position, gun trained shakily on the entryway. But it was no use.
A blinding flash filled the room and I dropped my weapon after only one misguided discharge. I was rushed by the horde and was sent tumbling to the floor, screaming 'till the very last. I felt something sharp prick my neck, and all went dark.
That was some time ago. A long time ago. Many years in fact. I'm still in their cage, but they'll never get me. I won't fall for their tricks. They've taken the form of human beings, a sick mockery of their former lives as normal people, in their never ceasing attempts to assimilate me. The pills and potions fuelling their petty illusions.
They tell me that I'm a murderer, that I'm 'very unwell'. That I'm in a hospital and that the 'doctors' are here to help me. They even dressed up one of their own as my brother, my fucking brother, who perished in the initial outbreak. Lies, all lies. They know that when I, the last one, am assimilated that they'll finally be able to cover the planet entirely.
They underestimate me though. My resolve is strong. And when I escape this place, I'll burn them as I find them until they are no more. Until not a single shrieking demon remains.
I'm not scared anymore...

Hi all,
Would appreciate some advice on the below, in terms of pros/cons; other ways to approach; possible money saving measures through tax etc (apologies, I posted something similar as a comment on a related thread, this has more information and explanations)
Situation:

• I am going to buy my mother (70, semi-retired) a house to retire in. She currently has a mortgage on a much larger place, which she wants to downsize. She will keep the surplus from the sale price, and use that to supplement her part-time work wage/pension when that happens.
• Once her current house sells, she will gift me a sizeable lump sum to place into the offset account of the prospective mortgage, vastly reducing my monthly repayments. (Due to her lack of supeassets/etc, she is almost guaranteed not to be approved for a mortgage, not to be a joint mortgage holdeguarantor on the new property.
• When she eventually does start claiming a full pension, I do not want this lump sum gift to impact her eligibility, due to asset testing through Centrelink.
• I don't expect her to pay rent for the purchased place, but we have agreed that she can be responsible for the modest strata fees, electricity, gas and all the usual things a tenant would pay for.

Questions:
1) I understand that not charging rent will essentially revoke my ability to claim the new property as an investment. What can I reasonably claim during my tax return, in order to try and offset mortgage repayments? (And the higher investor mortgage rate)
2) Instead of gifting me the entire lump sum planned, would it be more beneficial to gift me say, 75% of the planned amount, and use the remaining 25% to pay an agreed monthly rent (at market rate of course)
3) For her assurance, we have discussed putting her name on the title in the future. I understand this will involve another settlement agent and a portion of stamp-duty. Is there anything else I need to be aware of?
​
I thank you all so much in advance for any advice. This situation has rapidly arisen, I thought I was going to have a bit more time to figure things out on my own.

I stared out into the gray of another bleak winter morning and found myself lacking once again. Slamming the door closed, I reluctantly resigned one more day to the coward's ash pile of which I was a regular contributor. All those fleeting moments, minutes, hours… years… All wasted under the perpetual fear of an unknown evil, all the while knowing that the weight of responsibility fell squarely on my head alone.
The very last one…
I hadn't left my house in weeks. Months, possibly. The passage of time had slowed to an agonizing crawl, giving the impression of far longer. The isolation had near driven me mad, my hands giving into shakes whenever I'd hear noise from outside. The only comfort I found was within my own reflection, the remaining evidence I had that I was still a human being.
"There's nothing left for me out there..." I affirmed in the mirror, my daily mantra, as if trying to convince someone other than myself.
"Nothing at all."
I peeked through the blinds and watched a former neighbor shuffle down the street in a monstrous, shambling gait. The mangled stump of its foot dragged listlessly behind as it sluggishly made its way round the bend into the next street and out of sight. They were everywhere, waiting and ready in the shadows where I couldn't see. Shrieking. Every night was the same. Their bizarre mating calls blared out into the otherwise dead twilight, rending me from any peaceful sleep I might have possibly enjoyed. It was blood-curdling, like they were being flayed alive… and yet still with something joyous and terrible simmering underneath. Their crying wails are one of ecstatic, starved hunger.
They called me mad when I began fortifying my home, all the locks and shutters. Well, who's mad now? The shriekers, that's who. Utterly insane, driven only by their base instincts and a desire to destroy and assimilate. They wish to take me as well. I was so afraid, but I knew what needed to be done from the very start. I had to go back outside.
I had to burn them in their nest.
Summoning up all the spine I could muster, I silently slipped out through the front door and over to the one across the street on that freezing dark night. I could hear them moving around inside, yelping and shrieking as always. A thick sliver of disgust overpowered the terror as my jittering hands fumbled with the lid on the petrol canister. I regained my composure as I focused on my mission, allowing the revulsion to drive me. It spun off, clanking against the cold metal body of its host noisily, I swallowed a lump in my throat, reassuring myself that I was still as of yet unseen.
I attached the plastic hose and the pungent liquid flowed freely through the thin metal letterbox. I made sure to be quick about it, one slip up and it'd all be over. They'd be on me like a pack of wild dogs to a feast. The canister ran dry… anand so I pulled out the lighter. I flicked its ignition repeatedly before finally striking flame, and after one last frantic look around, in it went.
The house immediately erupted in flames and I retreated back to safety, desperate to get inside before the swarm arrived to salvage its sickening brood. I observed half in glee and half in a growing dread as the nest was engulfed. Then just as expected, they arrived. Their awful wailing tearing through the night. I shuddered as I closed the blinds, hoping this would at the very least thin out their numbers, if not force them to move on from the area entirely. How I longed for the day when I could venture out without fear of an attack… to rebuild, and to restock my ever dwindling supplies. The start of a whole new world, a better world… like the old one. My eyes began to close as I fell into a deep sleep, the shrieking outside now just a familiar white noise of sorts, lulling me.
I awoke to a loud banging on the front door. They'd found me. I loaded the cartridges into my revolver, rounds spilling to the floor from their box as I panicked. More banging, I couldn't ignore it this time. They were never going to move on. Not until they had me. I knew it in that moment, I wasn't going down without a fight.
Through the shuddering sight I stared down the barrel of the revolver as I descended the stairs, growing closer and closer. The rattling pounded its way throughout the house, each knock making me flinch and throwing off my aim. I fired three shots through the door. The knocking stopped, but they weren't done.
A while later, they returned. I could hear an immense growling emanating from the street outside and I took position, gun trained shakily on the entryway. But it was no use.
A blinding flash filled the room and I dropped my weapon after only one misguided discharge. I was rushed by the horde and was sent tumbling to the floor, screaming 'till the very last. I felt something sharp prick my neck, and all went dark.
That was some time ago. A long time ago. Many years in fact. I'm still in their cage, but they'll never get me. I won't fall for their tricks. They've taken the form of human beings, a sick mockery of their former lives as normal people, in their never ceasing attempts to assimilate me. The pills and potions fuelling their petty illusions.
They tell me that I'm a murderer, that I'm 'very unwell'. That I'm in a hospital and that the 'doctors' are here to help me. They even dressed up one of their own as my brother, my fucking brother, who perished in the initial outbreak. Lies, all lies. They know that when I, the last one, am assimilated that they'll finally be able to cover the planet entirely.
They underestimate me though. My resolve is strong. And when I escape this place, I'll burn them as I find them until they are no more. Until not a single shrieking demon remains.
I'm not scared anymore...

So I’m really excited for this MCC’s Yellow Yaks for a couple of reasons: 1. This team is really nostalgic for me as the first MCC I watched live was MCC Pride 2021 Pink Parrots (TWO COINS) and this is the first time Phil and Jimmy have teamed since then. On top of that, when I watched MCC Pride 2021, I mainly watched Dream SMP Youtubers, and I didn’t even know who Jimmy or Grian was. Now, however, Jimmy is my favorite Youtuber, even though I still watch all of the Dream SMP people, and I’m excited to see this dynamic from his perspective. 2. Recently, I’ve really come to enjoy watching teams with people from different communities or SMPs as, for me, it feels like my worlds are colliding in a good way. And the other thing that makes me feel good is when streamers respect other streamers rules (specifically PG vs not PG). Aimsey has already said on Twitter how excited she is to be PG this MCC, and I’ve been rewatching Impulse’s vod from last MCC and Phil was really respective of Impulse and his stream rules. Overall, I feel like this is going to be a really fun MCC to watch, both because of the players and the dynamics.

I had made the jump to working from home years ago, long before the pandemic made it the cool thing to do. It was a big adjustment to start, but after eight, nine years now, it is now a groove I couldn't imagine doing any other way.
In that time, though, business had also picked up ... and it has finally got to the point where it is time to hire someone else to come in and fill an admin role. The need for this had been building for a while, but it took some time to come to terms with it after battling numerous questions:
Is it weird to invite someone to come work in your house with you?
Who would even apply for such a position?
Do I have to start wearing real pants now?
**
This is a very loose opening idea based very much on my real life. Due to that, I would prefer to play this in the first person.
Your potential character within it, though, is completely up to you. It is loose enough that I think there could be multiple ways to go about it, and I would love to figure that out together as we proceed. Just if it gives you an idea, I would love to know that idea.
As fair warning, i am older than most on here (44), and am not sure how well I can play younger, so I would like to remain that age in story - I just find it much more believable. I understand this may be out of the comfort zone of many, but hopefully some don't mind.
So if you don't mind, and would like to build something together based off this idea, then please come say hi. Maybe we could even make a friend out of this, too. :)

My head canon for the coup was always Olson possibly allowing the militias of the SPA and AFP to stay armed even after a compromise was reached. The PSA then formed because McArthur cracked down on the corrupt pre war politicians and using the guise of “democracy” fled to the PSA. If he wins he then keeps power because the same bickering that led to the war started coming back in the restored Senate and House. With there still being some guerrilla resistance from separatists he was worried that everything his men had died for would go nowhere and so keeps power.
What do you guys think? (Besides being power hungry) are there other things that could justify McArthur taking and keeping power?

Hometown friends
There are no friends like the friends you grew up with, especially if you come from a small town where everyone knows everyone else.
They started kindergarten with you, and some of them were your very first friends you met. Some lived on the same block as you, all your life. We were blessed to grow up in this special place, and we have memories that will last a lifetime.
It was a small town filled with city influences from all the people we got to meet every weekend they came up to vacation there. We knew each other's parents, the ones who owned the local bar, the dry cleaners, or the local hair salon. We couldn't get away with anything because by that night, it would have gotten back to your parents.
We had the mountains to hike through and find salamanders after the rain. We had the lakes that we water skied in, the crystal clear rivers to jump from rock to rock. We jumped off waterfalls and swam wherever we found water.
We skied in the winter and drove snowmobiles for miles from one person's house to another through the woods. We went ice skating on the ponds and sat in a little shack in Deyohes Park and drank hot chocolate together.
You don't have to explain to others things like "The well" "The old Airport '' as we all knew these were where the parties were at, the launch, Dillion hill, the Chalet or the DU.
We were locals, so we knew these terms. We hung out with people older than us and people younger than us. These were the people you saw at parties, at the diner, or the roller skating rink,and we all hung out together. There was no discrimination, as we had interracial families in the days when people were still so closed-minded, yet we saw no color, we only saw friends, that's all.
We had drag queens and gays, single mothers, Jewish and Christians, Black, white, and Chinese, all living together in one small town. We had all worked or knew someone who worked in the "hotels," "The Concord, Kutchers, The Pines, and Grosssingers." We didn't need to have to have a ten minute conversation about what a bungalow is or what bungalow bunnies were, who the pickle man was, or what a casino is because we know.
We know Jamesway, Leftys, Gagers, Ellorys, Joe Rotas, Gigi's Pizza, and The Car wash. There is no need for words because it instantly brings back memories. We speak the same language even 40 years later, and we can pick up right where we left off.
I am blessed to have so many of us who now live in Florida, and we get to once again be part of each other's lives, remembering old memories and making new ones.
So today, my friends, if you are as lucky as I was to grow up in a small town and still be friends with your hometown friends, then you are blessed. Life-long friends with a lifetime of memories are the best. "Be the change you want to see,"

It gives me severe anxiety whenever I think about it. I don’t know how to say no to people, I’m too agreeable and get myself into uncomfortable situations.
My friend invited me to her youth church and I’ve been going each week. She’s one of my closest friends right now and I actually like it there so I’m fine with it, it’s more like a hang out than a church and there’s a lot of non religious kids who go there too. But the leaders at the church are trying to convert me and get me to come to adult church and trying to get me baptised it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t believe in the religion and they know I’m not Christian but they think they can change my mind on it.
Then one of my different friends/acquaintances from youth who I only knew for 2 weeks was moving countries and she told me to come to Sunday church because it would be her last day there or something, I didn’t want to go and I made it quite obvious and said no, but she pressured me, so I ended up going so I could see her on her last day before she moved. I feel like she kinda blackmailed me into coming to church, she could’ve just invited me to hang out somewhere else instead. Church was actually okay though.
Anyway, then my friend invited me to her Baptism and I wanted to be nice and go because it meant something to her. I met more of her Christian friends at the baptism and I really liked them but they were kind of trying to convert me too.
And then she invited me to this group where you’re meant to spread the gospel or something whatever that is and thankfully her other Christian friend saved me from going because he said I’m not Christian yet so it’s too much.
Her family is also very Christian and everytime I go over to their house they kind of try to encourage me to turn Christian and ask me how I’m liking youth group and what I thought about church and stuff.
Now there’s a church camp with my youth group which I’m going to because to be honestly it sounds fun.
But I feel like I’m letting this go too far, I don’t agree with Christianity and I feel like I’m sacrificing too much for my friend. What should I do?
In the past I told her I’m not religious but I’m open to chrisitianity which is a big regret because I’m not open to it anymore, it’s going too far it feels like they’re trying to drag me into a cult but I don’t know how to make them stop.
I believe in god but every time I pray it feels like I’m talking to the christian god instead of the image/feeling of god i originally had in my had and it creeps me out. it feels like I’m praying to the wrong god it just feels off and makes me uncomfortable what do I do? I’m so anxious

Hi i wish u r all fine i want to ask about smth why i am not happy anymore why i dont enjoy doing anything why i cant socialize with anyone and i can't adapt with anyone why i cant forget anything i treat my life like i want to fill it with anything useful like studying or gym i train to feel pain it makes me tired so i can sleep and every time i try to disappear from the world and discard all people i know i cant do that cuz i have fear that i will be alone im already alone but inside me alone in my house even living with my mum and dad and many many things i cant say thank u for reading and im sorry if i took alot of ur time ...

Has ANYONE bought the limited collectors box for D4 from EU ?
I see no way in how they can "excuse" their delivery prices. I've been having ~8 emails thread with the shop support trying to explain that i think it's a bug in their e-commerce ecosystem and not a proper reached value.
For reference here is my case:
To deliver in Romania - Bucharest (so from the EU store since we are in EU...) the delivery price for the 109€ box is 189€ and 208€ for express. (considering they send from Netherlands from what the representative said) IF i order from the UK store (so non EU), it's only 42€ for the delivery, so longer distance, non EU and smaller price.
Additionally they said they checked multiple times, and the reason for the 189€ from the EU store to order in an EU country is because of the box "volumetric weight" (to quote them: "After making the pertinent checks with logistics and product, they confirm that the rates are correct since the volumetric weight of the box exceeds 15kg. This price change is due to the recalculation between weight and size. We are sorry for the inconvenience but this is something that we are not able to change.")
I know some of you will comment "who needs toys littering around gathering dust in the house".. well i happen to like them and the theme i can bring to my gaming room using them, but i will not in good heart pay 208€ transport price for a 109€ item.
So to put it simple, they made it CHEAPER to order from other stores other than EU one for EU clients... so what's the point of the EU store then ?
I personally gave up on being able to order it, and the support email thread doesn't seem to go anywhere, so i guess they can keep their EU stocks, but i am curious if it's MAYBE just a RO issue, or it's the same thing to other EU countries as well

Earlier today, before my DH goes to work — JNMIL has a DAILY habit of complaining and ranting about her life, about us, about how she “does everything” in the house.
From where we live, walls are THIN. She thought I was sleeping since I’m on night shift and I’m usually up by 7pm. I was up by 5pm today which is unusual, and she usually comes home by that time.
I stayed inside our room since I’m still a bit sleepy. JNMIL saw my husband in the living room and began ranting. JNMIL says DH looks stressed, and tired — that he doesn’t deserve this kind of life (pertaining to me, and our marriage). DH is actually stressed because whenever his mom saw him, she would rant and complain.
I had enough of her shit, I opened our door and the BEC pretended she wasn’t saying anything. I saw how she was shocked that I was awake and that I heard her. Now she isn’t talking to me, and I’m not talking to her. Which is great, because I literally don’t give a fuck about her or what she thinks about me.

Exchanges are being decimated. The government is coming after them. Exchanges are the house and the house always wins. You don’t own any crypto until it’s transferred off the exchanges and secured in your own wallet (cold wallet)
Binance has been accused of using ‘in house’ accounts to move markets, kill shorts / longs and profit massively. This should enrage everyone if it’s true. Cryptocurrency was here before Binance and it will be here afterwards.
My prediction is that the BNB coin will become worthless, the company will cease trading in all countries except the ones eating from their actions.
Now for obvious reasons, do I think CZ is a bad person, no, I don’t. But do I think he took advantage of a situation in order to reinvest and make Binance what it is today. Yes.
I love the crypto community and hate any who takes advantage of it. So before people start moaning about me shorting it. Please bare in mind. I’m shorting because it’s the current trend and if we drop low enough CZ will learn from his mistakes.

When I was young my father married Wicked Stepmother (WS) (46f) who has two daughters Ana (17f) and Beth (16f). Unfortunately my father died shortly after he remarried and WS’s abusive personality came to light.
She forces me to live in the highest tower in the attic of the house. In the morning birds wake me up at the crack of dawn. Then I have to feed the animals make breakfast for my family and bring it to them in bed. I mop the floors, dust, do laundry, mend clothes, and sweep.
There is a huge ball in town and I wanted to go but WS said I can only go if I find something to wear, which of course I have practically nothing except this old outdated dress from my mother. I fixed it up with some help of some rats.
I also borrowed some old scrap pieces from Ana and Beth’s wardrobe and some old costume jewelry they weren’t using. But when it was time to leave for the party they saw me wearing their stuff and took it away from me!
Since I didn’t have anything to wear I couldn’t go to the party! Im never going to meet my prince now!
Am I the asshole cause I wanted to go to the ball?

I currently have Caseta Diva dimmers and pico remotes throughout my home, along with other smart devices like Hue bulbs in table / accent lamps, smart landscape lighting, and smart outlets for things like string lights or christmas lights.
I use HomeAssistant to tie the Picos in to the rest of the system, so the picos can do things like turn on my Hue landscape lights or humidifier or set scenes across the house. And the Divas can receive events so I can turn on my Lutron lights with a Homekit motion sensor, etc.
What I can't figure out is whether I can use/hack the Diva dimmer switches to control anything except the lights on the circuit to which it is connected. Unlike the Picos, the switches don't seem to send events to the system on button presses - they only receive events, and eventually send out changes they detect in load.
This seems to imply that it wouldn't be possible to program anything like "double tap" or "tap and hold" for the dimmer, even if I'm willing to read ClearConnect events directly from the Lutron hub via HomeAssistant
I like having switches on the wall for simplicity and guest-friendliness instead of keypads, especially since my scenes are usually voice activated or triggered by HomeAssistant events. And my house is small compared to many on this board so I don't have four or five gang panels cluttering up the rooms.
Here's what I'm wondering:
​

1. If I am correct that this is a limitation of Caseta, would upgrading to RA3 and something like Sunnata dimmers allow me to read direct events from a switch? I am sure professional installers have clients who ask to trigger scenes based on Press and Hold of a dimmer - which would mean those dimmers would have to send events on button presses, right?
2. I have considered setting up a HomeAssistant task to poll the load value and use it to trigger events. It would be awkward though since I'm not sure how to tell if the load change was triggered by the switch, by a Pico, or some other home automation. Has anyone had success with this method?
3. Are the RA2/3 keypads mushy like the picos? The physical controls feel much better to me than keypads, but if the RA3 is much nicer I might upgrade. Or I could swap to the 4 button picos which would at least not look as out of place next to the switches.

I have contemplated moving from NYC to Houston. The good thing is that my job is remote and if I "move," I will switch location and will get a 20% adjustment. I ran the numbers through tax calculators and my current total compensation is $176.2K and it will become $141.5K. The net difference after taxes is $9,926.76. I will get a lower 401K, which compounded 8% until retirement is at least $326.8K. However, my 401K is projected to hit at least $6M with my current contributions and match.
Currently, the 3 BD houses I am looking to purchase in the next 2 years are $380K -$450K in Houston. If I stay in NYC, I will be purchasing a 2-3 BD co-op. Even though the maintenance is $1K for NYC, property taxes are 2.5%-3% in Houston. I will have a newer build and have to drive everywhere. Eventually, I will be purchasing a car if I stay in NYC as well. Would you make the move? My base salary will go from $143K to $114K. Thoughts?

Binance has been accused by the CFTC of violating trading and derivatives rules, including heavy insider trading that consisted of over 300 ‘house accounts’ that were related directly or indirectly to CZ. CZ has since released a response to the allegations, that are ‘very disappointing’, depending on your stance, and even pointless as a rebuttal. It goes like this:

1. Technology for Compliance & US Blocks - Binance/CZ starts spieling on about how good their technology is, for whatever reason, and then goes on to state that they have mandatory KYC that basically prevent unauthorized users from trading. Firstly, this has nothing to do with allegations of insider trading/market manipulation. ANd secondly, reports days ago revealed Binance employees were helping/training/aiding customers bypass KYC, and that the KYC rules were purposely lax to allow this very same thing to occur.
2. Cooperation and Transparency with Law Enforcement - I could skip this but CZ goes on about how much compliance with law enforcement and seizures Binance has done. Again, nothing to do with insider trading.
3. Registrations and Licenses - This is again pointless as CZ gives literally one sentence about how Binance holds 16 licenses. But ironically, he fails to admit the several warnings, fines and lawsuits Binance has faced precisely for operating in jurisdictions without a license. This case of suits and fines is actually fairly long with at least around a dozen countries off the top of my head from my prior research that includes the UK, Japan, Netherlands etc.
4. Trading -

Now here is where it gets interesting. Binance states that they do not “trade for profit or “manipulate” the market under any circumstances”. They have “affiliates that provide liquidity for less liquid pairs. These affiliates are monitored specifically not to have large profits.”
CZ then states that he as well does not profit from off of Binance’s market or manipulate it by his trading. He states he has “two accounts at Binance: one for Binance Card, one for my crypto holdings”. And then goes on some strange tangent about “I eat our own dog food and store my crypto on Binance.com.“ They also claim “a 90 day no-day-trading rule for employees” between buys or sells.
Technically, all these could well be true. But the allegations have nothing to do with CZ, Binance, their employees and/or Binance affiliates making money from effective insider trading. Rather, it’s affiliates of CZ himself who are trading on Binance with some unfair advantage. So here’s the summary.
TLDR: Binance(mainly CZ) has released a response to the CFTC allegations, but absolutely nothing about the response actually addresses the main issue at the heart of the allegations. This is always a huge red flag, as the accused always dance around the real issue, giving the appearance of acquittal/innocence on the surface, and never say anything actually untrue that would compromise them is a future suit/hearing in the court of law. Thus the response all but confirms the allegations, at least for me. And ironically, as hard as it may be to admit, SBF was right in saying that CZ’s ‘house’ was just as dirty as his. And ironically, all of this is just for the insider trading. The allegations of bypassing US relations look just as bad.
https://www.binance.com/en/blog/from-cz/czs-response-to-the-cftc-complaint-2408916493005890282

So I 19m have a coworker 18f. It’s a shitty front of house job so please don’t give me the dont shit where you eat it’s not like a career job. I also have autism and anxiety so social situations have never been my strong suit and I always struggle in those situations, especially when it comes to girls so sorry if I sound childish.
Anyway me and this girl, I thought something was gonna happen between us. We spent a few nights after work making out and doing some other shit and talking about how we felt about each other.
Anyway she randomly then one day stopped showing interest and was just acting awkward around me which was fine if she didn’t wanna continue, but she wouldn’t ever really initiate conversation and would basically avoid me half the time, ie if I was standing somewhere where she’d normally be she’d go elsewhere etc. I was really into her so I guess I was still trying to talk to her out a lot if we were around each other etc without even realising.
Anyway as of like a week ago I noticed I was doing that and realised to get over my feelings for her I need to back off, plus I was too stupid to notice that it seemed like she probably didn’t wanna talk to me which I felt awful about too. I haven’t been rude or anything but I just haven’t been initiating conversation as much and just keeping my distance a bit. Basically what she was doing to me, but I’m not doing it out of spite more so I just want to get her out of my head and that’s what works for me.
One thing I’ve noticed now is she’s really starting to show me more attention now I’ve started doing that. Like she is going out of her way to talk to me, make jokes. You know how I said before where if I was standing somewhere she’d avoid me before, now she will come and stand right next to me, basically as close as she can without us touching. She also keeps looking at me from across the room.
So any idea why she is getting like this now when she was clearly not interested before? is this something you just have to deal with in the dating world because like I said I’m terrible in social situations and tbh I’ve never really tried it with girls before, only done shit when I’ve been super drunk.
Thanks and sorry if this is all stupid but I’d appreciate any advice.

once again, my delightful astral guides wish me to impress upon you that at this specific time .. on this particular planet .. in this ancient universe .. our focus, right now, needs: to be EyesWideOpen 🪬 to remember ItOnlyTakesOne 🔥 and to TranscendHumanism 🪷
the worlds energies are exploding with excitement and increased amplification by so many souls waking UP every day💥 the universes, the suns and the star clusters are vibrant in the night sky .. brimming in strength and visually and audibly LOUD with the electric songs of time everlasting ✨ they FEEL our collective energies rising 🔥
all of this is compounded, of course, by the forces of this somewhat civil war in which we all find ourselves; a overly dramatic 'tragic comedy play' right on the grounds of our current biological home, gaia 🌻🌎💙 these lies and travesties are fueling the greatest mass awakening to the Truth EVER SEEN 🙌
you now know your soul 🫧 your spirit, your true lineage is as a beautiful, non indigenous, extraterrestrial alien from the eternal web of energy we call our universes .. and you're NOT to be enslaved and rendered ignorant, lame and victimized 💫💥🕊️🌹🫐🌗🥳🦋
by sharing these tidbits of love and wisdom, I humbly meditate they accelerate your journey .. and can attest they strengthen my own confidence, in moving forward each and every day .. with a boldness born only from possessing such clarity of thought and perfect vision from my eyes wide open ⭐️ and that my guides allow me to be the one to convey such messages of love 🙏 well .. simply incredible
those from the stars are content you're receiving their words 🌬️
as each of you continue along your own individual pathways, at your own individual speed and focus, towards the next dimension, the Mystic, the Light ✨ know that every day, you have the opportunity to BE a childlike angel, BE your dreams and BE the Light that blasts away the shadows 🌻 this new day will offer us the best opportunity of all: a renewed sense of EGOLESS TRANSCENDENCE
know you're loved 🥰🌻✨🌈💋